I Hate Hearing It About Us
by itrymybest
Summary: "Did you read what was spray-painted on the garage? Did you somehow miss all of the hate mail we've gotten? Did you just happen to forget that some kid" – Kendall could hear the venom in his voice as the word 'kid' left through gritted teeth – "called us faggots?"
1. Done

**I know, I know, what am I doing writing oneshots when I have a chapter fic to write? But I liked this. I hope you do too!**

Kendall sank into himself on the couch, eyes fixated on his hand. The brunette next to him fiddled with his shoes, taking them off as he attempted to calm down after his blow-up.

Logan threw his shoes aside, running his fingers through his air as he let out a deep breath. Kendall looked over at the older , but soon after averting his gaze when the brunette met his eyes. Kendall graduated from his hand to fidgeting with his collar as he anxiously waited for the inevitable shouting match to begin.

But the quiet, disappointed words stung much more.

"We've worked so hard. And you-we-_it's_ all screwed up now."

Kendall's lips pressed into a thin line as he tried to bite back a retort. Taking a calming breath, he reached for his boyfriend's hand, only to have it jerked away from him. His eyebrows furrowed as he searched the face of his lover, face only scrunching more when the paler's face was deadpanned. Logan stared at the ground, leaning forward.

Kendall rubbed the nape of his neck as he waited for Logan to continue. He felt his heart racing, pounding, pounding, _pounding_. When Logan didn't speak for a minute, Kendall reached towards him again. "What happened?"

Logan head jerked towards the blonde, anger in his eyes. "What. Happened?" He stood up, turning to face Kendall from the front. "Did you read what was spray-painted on the garage? Did you somehow miss all of the hate mail we've gotten? Did you just _happen_ to forget that some kid" – Kendall could hear the venom in his voice as the word 'kid' left through gritted teeth – "called us faggots?" His fists clenched and unclenched as his voice sped up. "Or does none of that matter to you? Does everything they're saying about us just seem like a fucking joke to you?"

Kendall's eyes flitted from the floor, to Logan's eyes, and back to the floor as he mumbled something sounding like "mmgfltch jsfshnim"

Logan grabbed Kendall by the shoulders, shaking him, grip tight. His knuckles were still white from clenching his fists. "What?"

Kendall roughly pushed Logan's arms away, then rubbing his own shoulders, soothing the dull ache. "I said no, it doesn't matter at-fucking-all. And you damn sure shouldn't be blaming this on me."

Logan's mouth opened and closed as a look of anger and mock amusement crossed his face. "So, it _totally_ wasn't your fault that you just _assumed_ there was no one around and fucking kissed me!" He whispered the last two words, as if they were a forbidden curse.

"I didn't know there were photographers around," Kendall insisted.

"Of course there are cameras around! There are always cameras around! The only time we get away from the camera is at home!" Logan threw his hands up in the air, shrieking.

"So then why is it my fault?" Kendall said angrily, voice loudening to match the older's.

"Because you should have waited until we were home." Logan said. Kendall opened his mouth to cut him off, but Logan held up his hand. "You just couldn't wait, and now everyone with a computer or will know that - they'll know about _this_."

Kendall gaped. "You're treating our relationship like a dirty little secret!"

Logan's eyes locked with Kendall's. "Because until the fans found out, that's what it was." He pushed past Kendall into his room, ignoring the shouts of blonde. Just as he slammed the door shut, it was thrown open again. Logan didn't bother to look up – or even want to look up for that matter. He'd worked his entire damn life but still he'd been told time and again that he'd never make it as a singer, an actor, or anything in between. Plain and simple, he was terrified. He was scared that his one shot at the – excuse the pun – big time was being ripped away from him.

Kendall, now he'd always get more offers. He'd already been offered a solo career in singing, and he could get 10 more in the blink of an eye.

Logan rested his head in his hands, flinching at the touch of the hand on his shoulder. "The label dropped us, Kendall," he said quietly.

"You don't know that-" he began, only to be cut off by Logan again.

"Yes, I do know it Kendall. They called earlier, when you were taking a shower. They want a meeting with us. Today." Kendall opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again at the sight of Logan's lifted hand. "And. I-uh." Logan took a deep breath, centering his thoughts. "We might go into that meeting together, but I'm walking out alone."

"What?" Kendall's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"I'm not risking my career. At the end of the meeting, regardless of what they say, we're done."

"Logan-"

"We're not discussing this, Kendall." He stood up, resting his hands on his wardrobe as he took in calming breaths.

Kendall angrily shot up. "Listen Logan, just because some homophobic-" he struggled for the right word to describe the hateful people, but gave up, deeming it impossible "just because some homophobes say that we shouldn't be together, that what we have is morally wrong, doesn't mean that you have to listen to them."

"No, I don't have to listen to them! I don't listen to them! The label listens to them, the label is the one that holds our careers - or what's left of them."

"They might not drop us, it might turn out a whole lot different than you expect. It will all work out. It _will_ be okay, Logan."

Logan beat his hand against the wardrobe before spinning to face Kendall. "That's just the thing. Sometimes, things go bad, fast. Like they did when you pulled that dick move. I'm tired of-"

"I'm fucking tired of it too! You think I came into our driveway fucking overjoyed to see 'faggots' written across our garage?" Kendall rubbed his temples as he lowered his voice. "You know what, Logan, you make the call. I'm not going to argue about this anymore."

The silence that followed was deafening, but it was better than the sentence that broke it.

"Just-just pack your stuff, please."

As the door slammed shut and rattled against the doorframe, both boys finally crumbled.


	2. So Soon

**This started out as a oneshot, but it enveloped into a sequel for I Hate Hearing It About Us. And because of plenty of people asking for it, this is a chapter fic now, not just a oneshot. I'm guessing it'll be 10 chapters.**

**Thank you so much for reading!**

Kendall smoothed out the table cloth, running his hands over the silk folds. He silently walked into the kitchen, pulling out the white handkerchiefs. Folding them into small triangles, he smiled unintentionally as his mind drifted to memories, and out of a nearly forgotten habit, he reached for a crumb of food to adorn the edge. Kendall narrowly stopping himself, his smile faded, and he flicked the food off his hands, wiping the remains off on his jeans. He picked up the satin triangles, putting one at his spot and another next to him. He sighed and rubbed his temples, sitting down on the chair as he reached for the piece of cloth, his hand lingering right above it. He lifted up the cloth, only to set it back down again in sad attempt to pretend that he was going to be sitting next to Logan tonight. He ran his hands ran through his groomed and freshly shampooed hair. Letting out a tired breath, he stood back up and placed the handkerchief across from him, and reluctantly another one next to that. He went back into the kitchen.

Kendall opened the dishwasher, grabbing two plates. He stepped back towards the dining hall, before realising he'd need three. Turning quickly, he nearly dropped them. He haphazardly picked the plate out of the dishwasher, before walking into the dining room, setting them down next to the handkerchiefs. He moved back to the kitchen, picking out the utensils slowly and carefully. One fork. Two. Three. Three spoons. Three knives. He checked the food before flopping on to the couch, eyes flicking to the time above the stove, his forehead knotting when he saw he had less than 10 minutes before his guests were due to arrive. He chuckled softly because he knew they'd be at least 20 minutes late – Logan wasn't very punctual to begin with. Half an hour to sooth his mind.

He turned on the television, flipping through channel after channel of useless, mind numbing shows, which seemed to be his favourite thing to do now. Because between promoting his new single, trying to finish the album, and his new label throwing him into every damn high-class celebrity party in the country, he had near to no spare time – but every damn second his mind wasn't busy and teeming with work, it drifted to what he had lost.

He shouldn't have kissed him in public that day. He shouldn't have gotten mad at Logan. He shouldn't have given the brunette without a fight. He shouldn't have just packed up and left at the sign of one big blowout. Shouldn't have, shouldn't have, shouldn't have.

But the break up was for the best. Logan had deserved better.

He curled into himself, wishing he could feel his arms wrapped around Logan's. He wanted the tangled limbs, mixed breaths, the feeling of being so close he just couldn't stand it, but he itched for more, he wanted the laced fingers, the soft kisses, the feeling of Logan's warm sweaters pressed against his own thin shirt.

Logan would never come running back into him like he'd wanted. Logan was too strong. And Kendall was too proud.

Kendall almost laughed out loud as he remembered the brain-shattering fight they'd had on their last afternoon together, when Logan had thought he'd never get back in the game if he lost Big Time Rush.

Then Kendall's mind shot to when he'd bumped into Logan for the first time at a party after they'd broken up, and how he'd nearly gone in for a kiss on the cheek out of ritual. His mind was a sick thing.

"_Kendall, what are you-"_

"_Sorry," Kendall had said, rubbing the back of his neck. "I'm just-. Sorry. Just, sorry." The blonde had shot out of the party so quickly it would have seemed there was a tornado coming to grab a hold of the building, to circle it and twist and wreck the contents inside, leaving others to try and mend the parts back together. Which paralleled what had happened to his heart that moment. _

That was the sad part – buildings could be rebuilt.

When a heart was put back together, it was messy, like a 3 year old trying to fit the wrong jigsaw puzzle piece into the spot, trying and squishing so hard until the piece of cardboard was a mangled mess.

Then the conversation at the punch bowl 6 months later, when Logan's arms were wrapped around someone else's.

"_Kendall – hi. This is uh," Logan struggled to place a title on his partner. "This is my boyfriend." He'd said it apologetically, as if he knew that one sentence would bring hell to Kendall's life._

Then the ecounter a week before today. When Logan had called.

_Even though he had deleted it, Kendall had memorised the brunette's number years ago. When he'd read it across his phone, his heart sank into his chest and his fingers shook as he reached for the phone. He wasn't ready for this. "Hello?" Kendall had asked after a minute of silence, where he'd debated hanging up. How dare Logan call after all this time._

"_Hey, man."_

"_Logan, long time no talk," Kendall had stated simply, acting like speaking to Logan was a casual thing. He waited for Logan to take the conversation somewhere._

_But instead, the two were lost in silence, which was too comfortable and familiar for either of them to stand._

"_I'mtiredofnotseeingmybestfrien dandIthinkgweshouldtalkandme etupsohowaboutSaturday?" Logan had rushed out, not giving himself a breath to stop and back out in the middle of asking._

_Kendall had paused. He wanted to hear why. He wanted to know why all of a sudden, a year later, Logan had called him. Why the older hadn't called 6 months ago. Why he hadn't called after they'd broken up. Why he hadn't called since that afternoon._

_But the answer never came, so Kendall muttered out a yes, and commented that he'd be happy to host. He'd say anything to avoid spilling out the four words on the top of his tongue._

"_Great! My boyfriend will be so excited to meet-"_

_The blonde hung up._

"_I still love you," his lips cheated him. They'd said the phrase he promised he'd never admit, even if it was only to himself._

Then the doorbell rang.

Kendall's eyes popped open, and he smoothed his shirt as he stood up from the recliner and hopped to the door. He needed to see Logan again, to have a conversation, to see the smile that lit up a room.

He swung open the door, a wave hitting him and threatening to knock him over as he saw his ex. He loved him.

"Hi, Logan." Kendall forced on a smile.

The brown eyes met green and Kendall rushed to try and read Logan's orbs, searching for any sign that the older still loved him. He only stopped when he heard a small cough from the right.

"And it's nice to meet you again," he continued as he shook Logan's boyfriend's hand.

Logan only smiled.

But Logan's grin was genuine; he was happy with the present moment.

Kendall's smile was fake, plastered, broken.


End file.
